taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
