My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize