the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You have to summon your inner elephant
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
