My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
