can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Your topless pictures make me question reality
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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