Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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