I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
