Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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