Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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