so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
