sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I've blown a few things in my day
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
