i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
