he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
time to smoke my breakfast
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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