Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
And then the night went full on bisexual.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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