I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
