my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
