a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
