apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize