i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
