I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Less talking, more tequila
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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