Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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