I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
