Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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