I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
