So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize