Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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