two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
