Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
