shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize