I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
