As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
