i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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