Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
