i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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