Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
