she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
