question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
