What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize