i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
