At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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