I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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