She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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