Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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