If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
