I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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