in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
