Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
