Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize