I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
