I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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