How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
