I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
