Cold hands, warm shart.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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