Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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