I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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