i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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