my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
