margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
