this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
