fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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