I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
