dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
