Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think I have vodka in my lungs
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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