He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize