i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
