Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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