I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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