you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The ass gains better be worth it
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