What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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