if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
