there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
