i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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