mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
