Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
