no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
