She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
