people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
