He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
