I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
