I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
tell me about the fingering
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
