I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
