I can feel you judging me through the phone.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
