that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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